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Can
We Make Sense of Suffering?
by
Darla Isackson
The
Kidron Valley at Nightfall
I attended a
marvelous musical production called Civil War, recently
presented at the Rodgers Memorial Theater in Centerville, Utah.
The production was an artistic masterpiece for community theater,
in my opinion, and I was deeply moved. However, near the end they
projected on a screen the numbers killed in the various battles
of the war, and I was gripped with the enormity, the stupidity,
the evil of war. How can rational, thinking human beings, children
of God, take sides, and line up with the express purpose of killing
each other? The horror of it all could bring delight to no one but
the adversary. My first response was to withdraw and emotionally
shut down. Next I became angry, and when I returned home I vented
to a surprised husband who hadn't expected me to come home from
a musical in that state of mind. Then I cried for all the innocent
young men who never wanted to be in that war, never wanted to kill
or be killed--and for their families who suffered so intensely from
their loss or injuries.
Because I feel
things so intensely, I sometimes tend to philosophize in an attempt
to hide from the kind of emotional pain that comes from the realization
of outright evil in the world. There is nothing so painful to me
as the kind of evil that brings harm to innocent people--terrorist
attacks, wars, kidnappings, murders, whatever. I've never done well
at reconciling myself to man's inhumanity to man.
Wayne E. Brickey,
in his book Making Sense of Suffering said in his introduction
"The God of perfect love is a God of perfect wisdom, and he is nearby.
But his plan permits suffering in his universe. Without apology,
he keeps sending his spirit children into the thick of things. In
his long view, suffering makes sense. It can never make much sense
to us, however, until we see things his way.
"Oddly enough,
our vision sometimes improves when our conditions worsen, creating
an occasional windowpane, or window of pain, in the veil. A paralyzing
problem can bring the stillness that causes us to pause and, for
a change, reverently look at the whole scene, which is the smallest
scene we can trust." Brother Brickey suggests that "in the end,
we need both pain and pondering."
Although he
has covered the subject masterfully in his book, I want to explore
it briefly here. Partly because my niece called me recently, distraught
because of the kidnapping of fourteen-year-old Elizabeth Smart,
bringing my own pain to the surface. Every parent has to ponder
at such times, feeling the distress of that family, wondering how
we would deal with the situation if it happened to us. We cannot
philosophize the pain away and no trite phrases or profound quotes
can make the situation less grievous than it is. However, in Teachings
of the Prophet Joseph Smith, the Prophet said, "It is important
that we should understand the reasons and causes of our exposure
to the vicissitudes of life and of death, and the designs and purposes
of God in our coming into the world, our sufferings here, and our
departure hence . . . It is a subject we ought to study . . . If
we have any claim on our Heavenly Father for anything, it is for
knowledge on this important subject." My soul yearns for that knowledge.
I feel such gratitude for the Comforter, the Spirit of Truth, and
for the gospel of Jesus Christ that offers the healing balm of the
scriptures to increase our understanding.
Hard
Questions, Scriptural Answers
We all tend to ask, when faced with inexplicable and difficult situations:
"How can such things happen?" We may wonder "Where was the Lord?"
Even an agonized Joseph Smith said, "O God, where art thou?" and
"How long shall thy hand be stayed?" in D&C 121. Joseph pleaded
with the Lord in mighty prayer to remember the suffering saints
and stretch forth his hand in their behalf. The Lord's response
has become a classic, a spiritual primer I love to turn to in time
of suffering. The Lord, in great compassion and perfect charity,
says, "My son, peace by unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine
afflictions shall be but a small moment; and then if thou endure
it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all
thy foes." He goes on to chronicle the consequences of wickedness,
the necessity of handling the rights of the priesthood with principles
of righteousness, and the great gifts promised those who live with
charity, virtue and faith. I love studying this whole chapter, finding
my faith strengthened every time I do. I love to be reminded of
God's all-encircling care. Another scripture that deepens my comprehension
of that care is D&C 88:41: "He comprehendeth all things, and
all things are before him, and all things are round about him; and
he is above all things, and in all things, and is through all things,
and is round about all things; and all things are by him, and of
him, even God, forever and ever."
I pray constantly
for a deepened assurance that, whatever happens, He will give me
the strength I need to endure. I put in my arsenal memorized verses
such as "Fear thou not, for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for
I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea
I will uphold thee with my the right hand of my righteousness."
(Isaiah 41:10) When my faith is challenged by horrendous happenings,
I say to myself, "Do you believe those promises or not? Can you
trust God or not?" Whenever I turn toward Him, not away from him
in my distress, my faith in His promises is strengthened, my recognition
of His constant care heightened.
When I read
the scripture "Wherefore I desire that ye faint not for my tribulations
for you, which is your glory" I remember times I felt so weak, so
frightened, I thought I would faint. At such times, if I remember
to pull out of my memory bank words like "for God hath not given
us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound
mind. (2 Timothy 1:7)" just saying the words over and over can renew
the Spirit's strengthening influence.
The sacrifice
required of us in this dispensation is a broken heart, and so many
times the very trials that have broken my heart have become my greatest
blessings. Wayne Brickey said, "Suffering places us behind a door
and hides us somewhat from the view of others. The privacy allows
adjustment, renewal, and transformation. The fortunate interruption
allows us to break old chains." Oh, how grateful I am to be rid
of the chains that the Lord had broken for me through my suffering.
I have never gleefully embraced a heart-wrenching trial, yet if
the volume of my pleadings to God has been turned up, so has the
volume of God's voice to me. In its aftermath, I can often feel
the soul-growth. Joanna Macy said, "the heart that breaks open can
contain the whole universe. Your heart is that large. Trust it.
Keep breathing." The broken heart is open to the tutoring and comfort
of the Spirit, open to receive the love and caring of God and fellow
mortals.
All
Things Work Together for Good
Because my thoughts are not His thoughts, nor my ways,
His ways, I cannot comprehend the good that can come of fearsome
evil, although we have been told both in the Bible and the D&C
that all things work together for good to them that love God..
Art Berg was
paralyzed in an accident while travelling to finalize his wedding
plans. He said, "Someone once candidly asked me, 'How can you talk
positively about something that happened to you which was so bad?'
My answer is simple. Can good come of evil? If this accident and
the experiences I have had because of it can be regarded as 'evil,'
than my answer is yes. . . . Innocence and ignorance expect only
good things to happen to them. It takes a greater understanding
to realize that the man or woman of Christ expects good to come
from all things. There is a difference. The apostle Paul
understood the difference perfectly when he wrote that 'All things
work together for good to them that love God.'" Art truly saw--and
created--much good from the evil of his tribulations and his recent
death has affected thousands who loved him.
In regard to
good coming from tragedy, I can't help but think of the Steve and
Claudia Goodman family who lost several children in an automobile
accident, yet stayed strong in the faith to see their experience
open many doors to them. They have been able to bear witness around
the world of the goodness of God and the truths of the gospel that
have sustained them.
A New
Dimension of Trust
I find it easy to trust the Lord when the sun is shining in my patch
of sky and each member of my family is well and accounted for; the
problem comes when everything in my world seems to be falling apart.
I'm reminded of the analogy of the board--how easy to walk along
it when it is sitting on solid ground. But what about when it is
stretched across a chasm, when my very life must be trusted to it?
Or the analogy of the rope--it easy to say I trust its strength
when it is coiled on the ground, but what about when I am stuck
on a ledge and my only hope of rescue is to grasp the rope, give
it my whole weight, trust in its strength as I am pulled up, and
up.
I've had a
few experiences of chasm walking and rope dangling. Once I have
crossed the chasm or felt the relief of being heaved onto solid
ground after having dangled from a seemingly flimsy rope, my perspective
of the board or the rope can never be the same. When perilous experiences
are thrust upon us by the misuse of agency, by the simple tragic
consequences of natural law, or even by the chastening hand of the
Almighty, we have much to learn from them. And the most important
is that God is there, that He does care; His plan of agency is,
after all, the best plan.
Retain
a Hope Through Faith
I don't see the big picture, but I'm learning to look further down
the road. I have a sister who is ten years older than me who also
married much earlier than I did. She had teenagers by the time I
had my first child. As adults we became best friends and ever since
I have learned from her experiences. I have observed the way the
Lord has worked with her family, how many times the most heart-rending
situations were improved dramatically in days, weeks, or years.
I still tend
to be short-sighted when it comes to comprehending the Lord's purposes
in my own life, or on the world scene. Too often I see only current
suffering. How can you tell a parent who has just lost a child to
some form of evil that "good will come of this?" People drowning
in a sea of grief are not capable of seeing the distant shore. However,
over a lifetime of experiences I understand so much more about that
shore. The longer I live, the deeper my trust becomes. For instance,
I know now that through my heart-breaking trials of divorce and
problems with my children, my heart has been softened and my vision
clarified of the areas I need to repent. Those trials have brought
forth my experiences with the Lord's mercy and love in an irrefutable
way. I have also seen and experienced the same principle at work
in the travails of the world scene. Even though the Lord allows
evil people to misuse their agency in ways that bring unspeakable
suffering, He is always there to bring the most amazing good, as
was evidenced in the months following the September 11th tragedy.
"For I reckon
the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared
with the glory which shall be revealed to us." (Romans 8:18)
The more times
I experience such things, the easier it becomes for me to "Retain
a hope through faith." (Alma 25:16) The Lord, in His infinite wisdom
has taught me so much from suffering, and long-term, He can bring
so much good to the world even from the most horrific happenings.
"And not only
so, but we glory in tribulation also: knowing that tribulation worketh
patience; And patience, experience; and experience, hope: And hope
maketh not ashamed; because the love of God is shed abroad in our
hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us." (Romans 4: 3-5)
The
Garden
How little did I realize, when I looked with longing eyes
into the garden of the Lord, desiring His closeness, His counsel,
His presence, that the way to His side would lead through my own
Garden of Gethsemane. I still need such frequent reminders, especially
in the face of seemingly senseless death and destruction, that the
presence of God can bring joy even in the midst of the deepest pain.
The law of mortality is opposition. God gave all men agency to choose
what to learn from experiencing the difference between light and
darkness, pleasure and pain, health and sickness, good and evil.
Even as I suffer from the consequences of choice and natural law,
I am told to learn from my experiences and not to counsel the Lord
that conditions in mortality should be different than they are.
President.
Spencer W. Kimball said, "The basic gospel law is free agency. To
force us to be careful or righteous would be to nullify that fundamental
law and growth would be impossible.
Should we be
protected always from hardship, pain, suffering, [or death?] . .
. If mortality be the perfect state, then death would be a frustration,
but the gospel teaches us there is no tragedy in death, but only
in sin.
We know so
little. Our judgment is so limited. We judge the Lord often with
less wisdom than does our youngest child weigh our decisions."
In one of my
own Garden of Gethsemane experiences, when none of my heartfelt
prayers seemed answered, I wrote:
God Is Not on
Trial
In times of
grief and disillusion
I cry to heaven
for relief.
Feeling no comfort,
I shake my fist
And say, "God,
where are you?
Why don't you
answer me?
I've just put
you to the test
And you failed."
A still small
voice enters my mind:
"My time of
testing is long past, child.
I know the answers,
I live the laws.
This life is
your school, not mine.
When the heavens
are brass over your head,
I have not moved
away . . .
In every situation,
I know what's best
The only question
is: will YOU pass the test?"
Will
I Pass the Test?
Because of the conditionals of mortality, we are often
left with sorrow, uncertainty, yearning to know the Lord's will.
I've heard that we can only feel the degree of positive emotion
that we experience the opposite. Christ descended below them all--and
so experienced the greatest joy. If I numb out and refuse to go
deeper into sadness, when sadness is appropriate, we also shut ourselves
from joy. Honest sadness and grief are free flowing, alive, never
giving up on faith. Depression and despair, however are blockages,
bondage. They come from the ego, the natural man, the willful man
who says "my will, not thine, be done. If I had chosen to stay numbed
out when I saw the Civil War play, or pondered the current kidnapping
trauma, if I had refused to go deeper into sadness, I would have
shut myself out from the joy of feeling the Lord's comforting Spirit
as I've pondered it all. As I accept the need to be willing to feel,
to accept what is, to feel the freeing emotion of grief, I can turn
away from the binding emotions of depression and despair. Rob, a
burn victim, said, "I would not now wish one thorn less on the path
I've been on. The path has helped me to know that my Redeemer and
my Heavenly Father live and love me. I have begun to really enjoy
the peaceable things of the Spirit. . . I testify that the Lord
does support those who love and serve him in their time of affliction
and that he eases their burdens according to his infinite love and
wisdom."
It always helps
me to remember the analogy of the silversmith. The Lord said, "I
will sit as a refiner of silver." A silversmith does sit and watch
the furnace-for even a few seconds too long in the furnace will
harm the silver. In like manner the Lord watches over us. Our trials
are not random, but tailor-made to refine us. The silversmith knows
when the process is finished, "When I can see my own image reflected
in the silver." And so does the Lord.
So may we say,
with Paul, "We are troubled on every side, yet not distressed; we
are perplexed, but not in despair; Persecuted, but not forsaken;
cast down, but not destroyed;" (2 Corinthians 4:8-9)
The
Promises Are Sure
There is great hope for all those of us who cling to faith, who
cling to the Savior through all the trials and adversities of this
mortal existence.
"These are
they which came out of great tribulation, and have washed their
robes, and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. Therefore are
they before the throne of God, and serve him day and night in his
temple, and he that sitteth on the throne shall dwell among them.
They shall hunger no more, neither thirst any more; neither shall
the sun light on them, or any heat.
For the Lamb,
which is in the midst of the throne, shall feed them, and shall
lead them unto living fountains of waters: and God shall wipe all
tears from their eyes." (Revelation 7: 14-17.) I bear my solemn
witness that these inspired words are true for each of us.
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