Yet in spite of
my enthusiasm, I felt trepidation as I pondered
the Lord’s perspective of this responsibility.
I immediately went to work, writing down thoughts,
deepening scripture study, and making plans
on how I would enrapture the youth about the
gospel. Life was about to get really, really
good.
Oh, my naiveté!
The Challenge
Follows
Each teacher hits
a few speed bumps along the path. I was no exception.
I sure hit mine. I had suspected as an early
morning seminary teacher there would be a few
moments of fatigue and perhaps even discouragement
in the coming journey, but I figured any speed
impediments could be easily surmounted. I was
completely forgetting the large pothole placed
previously in my life — that of my physical
health. For years I had enjoyed easy health,
but not so any more. I now battled chronic fatigue,
fibromyalgia, and Crohn’s disease.
Guess what. Life
was about to get very, very hard. Lack of sleep
triggers each of these health conditions, and
lack of sleep is what most early morning seminary
teachers deal with all school year long.
And as I
prepared for teaching seminary I also had not
taken into account the challenge of teaching
sleepy-eyed teenagers, kids trying to function
with only four to six hours of sleep each night.
Many of these kids had to wake at 4:15 a.m.,
or thereabouts, to be ready to arrive on time
for seminary. They were running an incredibly
tight race, with hours of homework due each
night in addition to after-school jobs. My own
experience as a youth in seminary had been with
day-time/released-time seminary classes. Nothing
had prepared me for what I was about to experience
with seminary classes held during the dying
blackness of nighttime hours. These kids deserved
my best and I suddenly panicked that I wouldn’t
be able to give it to them.
Thus, my beautiful
expectation of serving as a seminary teacher
slipped all too quickly from my grasp. I soon
discovered why early morning seminary graduates
talked about their graduation from four years
of “a.m.” seminary being equal to conquering
heroes! I began to understand that all too well.
Day after day of rising before even the roosters
takes its toll on a person, and it does so quickly.
A Mountain to
Climb
The truth of the
situation now stared me in the face. Four days
into the experience was all it took — I knew
I was looking up a very tall mountain and I
wasn’t quite sure how to traverse it for another
week, let alone for an entire year. I quickly
worried my body would give out, thereby preventing
my ability to receive the blessings mentioned
in the scriptures for the Lord’s faithful. And
more than anything, I knew these kids deserved
spiritual uplift every day they came to my classroom.
I had to succeed.
As all of this
coalesced in my mind, I began to seek ways to
cope with the beauty, and now understood challenge,
of being an early morning seminary teacher.
I worked to ensure I didn’t give in to the weight
of what I was carrying as I worked to climb
the mountain of the Lord — for I wanted to bring
the gospel in a way that would meet the needs
of my youth. I’m so grateful to report that
as I made that effort, the Lord helped me to
endure. And yes, the initial enthusiasm revived!
Our Most Powerful
Weapon against Discouragement
Because of the
entire process, I realized this struggle of
mine parallels in so many ways the general challenges
we face in this life. Of course, we as teachers
will encounter difficulties along the way with
our students. We even will face them in our
personal lives. For example, my health challenges
continue even today and the teens in my early
morning seminary class still “drip” with sleep
at times, due to a heavy homework schedule the
night before. Yet I have learned a valuable
lesson from these so-called “speed bumps” to
joy. The lesson is very similar to what Lehi
experienced.
At one point during
Lehi’s “Tree of Life” dream, he traveled on
his own for what he described as hours. He reports,
“And it came to pass that…I beheld myself that
I was in a dark and dreary waste. And after
I had traveled for the space of many hours in
darkness, I began to pray unto the Lord that
he would have mercy on me, according to the
multitude of his tender mercies” (1 Ne. 8:7-8).
It seemed it was
after Lehi opened himself up to the Lord and
prayed for an escape from the darkness, that
he then could travel to where he needed to be
— a place of delicious fruit, learning, advancement,
and yes, joy with those he loved.
Thus, through my
challenges, I learned that when I encountered
difficult places during my tenure as a gospel
teacher that I needed to follow Lehi’s example.
I learned that as I opened myself up to the
Lord in prayer, He would open up places of learning,
advancement, and yes, fruitful moments. But
if I forgot to pray, I often was left alone
to experience the dreary challenge without that
extra spiritual boost or insight from the Lord.
I quickly learned
that if a “speed bump” or impediment of some
sort caused me to lose enjoyment in my efforts
in the classroom, I could (and should) pray.
If I lost my sense of purpose, I could (and
should) pray. If I felt I could go no farther
(due to fatigue or other difficulty), the Lord
awaited my heart-felt pleadings and was more
than willing to lift me from them or at least
aid me in them.
Why consign myself
to remain in dreary places of discouragement,
fatigue, or despair? Why linger in darkness,
when the fruits of joy and love rest in front
of me in my journey?
How long do we
as a people choose to wander in such places
of discouragement? Sometimes we might perfectly
remember to ask for assistance from God when
we experience difficulty. But perhaps sometimes
we forget to petition aid and, like Lehi, we
linger in dreary darkness, perhaps forgetting
or unaware there actually is an escape.
Think of what we
accomplish in the process of asking for help!
Through prayer, we can ask for mercy and aid
so that for us, like Lehi, the darkness dissipates
and we can see fruits waiting — fruits of great
learning and even joy.
What is the
Lord’s Perspective?
Nephi said, “Wherefore,
we shall have a perfect knowledge of all our
guilt, and our uncleanness, and our nakedness;
and the righteous shall have a perfect knowledge
of their enjoyment, and their righteousness,
being clothed with purity, yea, even with the
robe of righteousness” (2 Nephi 9:14).
Some may travel
throughout life, always bright and uplifted,
never reaching moments of burnout or difficulty.
Newer teachers might be fresher and thus less
prone to fatigue in their service. And others
might claim there is absolutely no requirement
to experience joy in service — that “enjoyment”
is ancillary to the real purpose that seminary
teachers have.
I’m not sure there
is a definitive answer listed anywhere within
the standard works as to whether feeling joy
while serving is an expectation. But
in putting two and two together, I ask: Should
we feel enjoyment in our service? Is it
ok to show up each day to teach, with a numb
or tired heart? Which way is drearier? Which
is healthier? Which is right? Is there
a right? And does the Lord have a perspective
on this?
The reason I ask
is because most of us now are beginning another
year of teaching seminary (some around the world
are actually halfway through). For those who
are new to seminary teaching, the journey has
just begun and the energy may be high. But for
those who have been teaching a while, fatigue
may have grown and urgency may have increased
to find a renewing of the initial enthusiasm
or enjoyment felt.
It would seem to
me that a God of goodness and joy would have
us walk in his same paths of joy and goodness.
After all, weren’t Adam and Eve (amongst others)
told that the essence of life is to feel joy
(2 Ne. 2:25; Moses 5:10; D&C 128:23)? Should
enjoyment cease, simply because we’ve entered
into an agreement of service — especially if
that service proves difficult? Is it not true
that when we render meaningful service that
we potentially can feel some of the deepest
senses of satisfaction known to mankind?
There may not always
be other rewards in this life for an obedient
soul, but we are told that the righteous will
have a perfect knowledge or sense of enjoyment.
Is this level of enjoyment meant solely for
after this life?
I don’t think so.
Joy Can Be Found
Today
Enjoyment can be
attained even while in this life, even while
struggling past the briars of fatigue or despair
on our journey’s way, even if our engine sputters
and is barely alive. But a lonely voice comes,
“What if our enjoyment ‘tank’ does run dry and
we have no fuel left to push past the ‘spiritual
speed bumps’ that show up in our path? What
about the promised enjoyment then?” (Some call
this experience “burnout” and it is all too
real.)
Burnout does happen,
after all — as many teachers can attest. And
it would be good to know the solution, before
the school year is fully underway. Preparation
can prevent so many difficulties.
I believe the answer
lies in prayer, scripture study, and in one
surprising teacher’s tool — a teacher’s journal.
In addition to the endless fuel of prayer, we
can revive ourselves with memories of those
first sparks of energy that are usually felt
when starting a calling — but only if we’ve
recorded those experiences in the moment.
Thus we see the
wisdom in church leaders’ recommendations for
keeping a journal. And in our case, it would
do us good to review throughout the year our
initial excitement, that enthusiasm, and yes,
even the nervousness we might have felt at the
beginning of our service. Could this ability
to renew by reviewing our original thoughts
be one perk for keeping a journal?
Could it be that
second only to prayer comes record-keeping as
a renewable resource of energy and faith? Could
it be that when our well of enthusiasm or even
hope has run dry, we can refuel with yesterday’s
memories of joy and excitement?
When analyzing
the lives of great men and women, one of the
most common themes amongst them seems to be
a penchant for daily review through journal
keeping. When a person is willing to sit down
and actually record his spiritual moments, thoughts,
and perspectives, not only does he bless his
posterity, but scientists now report the cathartic
process the mind receives by participating in
quiet moments of reflection and meditation.
At any point of
burnout, how helpful it can be to read back
on our early goals and intentions for our service
with our students. That is why it becomes almost
essential for us as teachers to record our classroom
activities, our hopes, our inspirations, and
our experiences with our students in a personalized
teacher’s journal. Not only does this clarify
our purposes in the classroom, but these very
records hold the power to refill our wells of
inspiration when they run dry. These records,
coupled with prayer, can actually bring back
joy.
Journaling Frontlets
“Frontlets” served
as remembrance tools for ancient Israelites.
Frontlets (or phylacteries, as they were called)
served to help each individual remember the
Lord in their lives. Our personalized teacher’s
journal can do the same. When we record our
goals, our lesson plans, our inspirations, and
our efforts and successes in the classroom,
we later are rewarded with renewable fuel for
the journey. Our written words become virtual
frontlets of enthusiasm and hope, if we use
them as such.
It is an interesting
thing to serve in the official capacity of teacher
in the church. There are very few callings that
require more dedication or effort, if done well.
And at the end of each year, we seem to have
things we’re grateful we did and things we wish
we did differently. How helpful to record these
thoughts! How important! Because even if we
do not serve in the same capacity the next year,
the next time we are asked to serve as a teacher,
whether seminary or otherwise, we can pull out
our teacher’s journal and inspire our current
efforts with inspiration and guidance from our
previous words.
By taking just
a few minutes each week to write in your teacher’s
journal, you will give yourself a highly personalized
and powerful wellspring of inspiration. Then
during the year, if you’ve come upon a speed
bump that seems to drive you to the ground,
you can come back to read and re-read your own
words, finding inspiration therein. If you run
dry of hope or even ideas (as many if not all
teachers experience at some point), your journaling
“frontlet” will have the power to revive the
wellspring of enthusiasm you once felt.
Final Summation
The Lord promises
in 2 Nephi 9:14 that the individuals who faithfully
hang on to what they have committed to do are
the same individuals who eventually will
receive a perfect enjoyment, “clothed with purity,
yea, even with the robe of righteousness.” Could
the Lord give a better gift for any teacher?
If we serve with
as much as we are able to summon, we eventually
will receive that perfect knowledge of our efforts
and that those efforts have been received by
the Lord, even in the face of fatigue or dreary
waste places. The Lord will dissipate the darkness
as we turn to him during our empty-tanked moments,
whether those moments come from poor health,
challenging students, or disappointing results.
So here we are
— at the start of a new school year, with a
new group of seminary students. Some of us are
new teachers, some are not. Some have experienced
the rigors of seminary teaching for some time;
others have the maiden journey still ahead of
them. The beautiful thing about what we’ve been
asked to do is that the Lord never asks that
we run faster than we are able (Mosiah 4:27),
but He does expect us to be consistent and diligent.
And as a result
of our diligence, the prophet Jacob promises
us in 2 Nephi 9:14 that we will be given the
comforting robe of pure enjoyment from the Spirit.
As we seek the Lord, the Lord will lead us from
any potential “dark and dreary waste” places
into places of great joy and beauty for both
our students and ourselves. Now there’s
a promise a seminary teacher can rely on — whether
brand new or tried and true. Welcome to the
fold!
Portions excerpted
from C.S. Bezas’ new book, Powerful Tips
for Powerful Teachers: Helping Youth Find Their
Spiritual Wings. Look for it in LDS bookstores
September 2006.
