Sense of Self Worth Is Priceless
By Judith Rasband

Sitting at the dinner table one evening, my daughter, then about eight years old, talked excitedly about how wonderful it was to be a "human bean."

"A human what?" I asked hesitantly.

"A human bean," she repeated.

"Say it slowly," I instructed. "You're a what?"

"A HUMAN BEAN! You know, like a string bean or a red bean. I'm a human bean." She offered me this information as though I had suddenly gone dense.

"Oh," was all I could respond with at that moment. Somewhere along the line, I realized, we had missed the boat. My daughter's self concept was that of a "human bean." Some corrections were obviously in order, and so the conversation proceeded in a predictable manner.

A few weeks later this concept of self surfaced again, when I nearly flipped over a full-page add in which the Del Monte Company offered T-shirts printed with a large string bean and the caption, "I AM A HUMAN BEAN."

In light of my daughter's misconception of herself, I couldn't pass it up and the children paraded around in those silly T-shirts all summer.

Since that time, I've learned a lot about the need for a good self concept and sense of self worth to enable us to live happy and well-adjusted lives. Self concept is the general notion each person has of himself. It refers to how each one of us thinks and feels about "me, myself and I."

Although it is generally believed that we are born without any preconceived ideas about ourselves, the self concept develops from the instant of birth. It begins with our first notion of our body. Body image is how we perceive our physical self — size, shape, strength, coloration, features, and so forth — and evolves over time.

As we grow older, we gain more experience with ourselves and our surroundings, and soon with others. Our self concept is the result of these experiences, both alone and with others, and gradually comes to include our mental capacities — including our personality traits, talents, values, attitudes, and abilities. Together they form the emerging self image or self concept.

Because that unique "self" is rarely without clothing, our self-concept expands to include the way we dress. It expands further to include the way we groom ourselves — care for and carry ourselves. Compliments or criticisms about our clothing and grooming are taken as compliments or criticisms of self.

It is important to recognize that the seeds of low self-esteem are sown while children are very young. Although children may seem to miss everything else, they remember every event having to do with their feelings of self worth.

Since a child is very sensitive about his or her physical attractiveness, self worth can be quickly weakened by anything that causes them to feel ugly or out of place.

If embarrassed in front of others over some aspect of their appearance, children may suffer damage to their self concept that could be long lasting. If continually compared to children who are more attractive, bigger and better, they may come to think of themselves as losers — and that is a self-concept none of us needs.

The attitudes of parents toward their children, even unconscious attitudes, are quickly noticed. What a child sees when he or she looks in the mirror is largely the product of parental beliefs. In other words, a child's self-concept mirrors the parents’ attitudes.

If parents are disappointed in the attractiveness of their child, that disappointment will soon be transmitted to the child. As parents, we must be continually aware of our attitudes about our children. We must remove any negative attitudes and accept our child. We must replace any negative attitudes with greater awareness of the positive traits in our child.

Parents have opportunities every day to boost a child's sense of self worth as it relates to appearance. Parents can teach children to use their clothing and grooming aids as a resource to create an attractive appearance. An attractive appearance will, in turn, improve their self-concept and sense of self worth, providing an added measure of confidence in self and acceptance by others.

I have always remembered a little verse my youngest son brought home from school years ago. It seems appropriate now and reads: "I am special! Lots of green grass. Lots of blue sea. Lots of people, birds and bugs. But only one me!" Let's make certain we make that "one" feel attractive and accepted.

Judith Rasband is Director of the Conselle Institute of Image Management and author of numerous publications on dress and image. Contact her at 801/224-1207 or judith@conselle.com. For related image information, visit www.conselle.com and www.LDSImageIntegrity.info.

Return to Top of Article

Click here to sign up for Meridian's FREE email updates.

Judith Rasband is founder of the Conselle Institute of Image Management and director of the Foundation for Image Integrity. Specializing in the artistic, social, and psychological aspects of dress and image, she has experienced 40 years in the field as educator including 12 years at BYU. She has taught at BYU Education Week for more than 25 years. She is a trade and textbook author, columnist, speaker, consultant, market analyst, and video producer. An international authority on image management, she is a presenter, consultant, and coach to private individuals, civic, corporate, government, and academic organizations and associations throughout the U.S. and Canada.

Top priority roles include wife, mother, grandmother, and Gospel Doctrine teacher. Judith (Judi) is married to S. Neil Rasband, Professor of Physics at BYU. They are parents of four children and grandparents to 14 grandchildren. They love to travel and sleuth out great restaurants and historic homes. They recently traveled for 16 days across the European Alps — on a motorcycle. It’s never too late to try something new!