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Because I Said So!
By Natalie
J. Hale
Mothers carry a great burden. Like generals in a seemingly never-ending war, they must keep going, inspiring their troops to take even just one more step to victory, and giving constantly of themselves for those they serve. Sometimes even the generals wonder if the cause for which they have embarked is real or possible.
Then a lone voice sounds the clarion call of action, vigilance and duty. The mother generals are reminded that their path is right.
That clarion call was sounded in the halls of chapels, auditoriums, and homes across the world on April 6, 2007. And the call came from President Julie B. Beck of the General Relief Society Presidency. It was a call to the generals — the mothers — struggling on the front lines of the greatest war of all time: the war for the hearts and minds of children and of the future of the natural family.
These mother generals are not followed by prestige or glory. Their tasks actually seem colorless as they struggle to even get up in the early morning hours to prepare for the day. These generals are made up of everyday people like you and me. They are the real heroes.
Satan and his follows have never worked so hard — and they are winning! We see families falling apart. But President Beck has called us, the weary generals, to arms. Now is the time to stand strong and immovable. Now is the time to prepare the hearts and minds of those in our stewardships for the storms that seek to sweep away the sandy foundations of the weak.
Children need to be taught that God lives and has a plan for their happiness. They need to know that chastity, marriage, and children are God's plan.
That is why for a limited time, we are giving away free subscriptions for our Smart Chart program — to help you in your task. These charts are customizable chore charts for your children. You can register your free subscription here: http://enlightenedhomemaker.com/
But mothers are not left without hope. As long as we stay on the Lord's side, our job is possible. Sister Beck said:
In the Book of Mormon we read about 2,000 exemplary young men who were exceedingly valiant, courageous, and strong. ‘Yea, they were men of truth and soberness, for they had been taught to keep the commandments of God and to walk uprightly before him' ( Alma 53:21 ). These faithful young men paid tribute to their mothers. They said, "Our mothers knew it' ( Alma 56:48 ). I would suspect that the mothers of Captain Moroni, Mosiah, Mormon, and other great leaders also knew.
The responsibility mothers have today has never required more vigilance. More than at any time in the history of the world, we need mothers who know. Children are being born into a world where they “wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places” ( Ephesians 6:12 ).
However, mothers need not fear. When mothers know who they are and who God is and have made covenants with Him, they will have great power and influence for good on their children.
One thing we need to know is to not enforce our preferences on our children. Let them know that you are someone they can turn to for help. This can't be a “just because I'm the adult you do what I say” kind of interaction. It has to be a relationship built on correct principles as mothers live the commandments and teach their children to do the same (see Luke 22:32).
Something we can do is respect our children's agency, even in the small things that they can do for themselves. And children are more capable than we might realize. For example, there was a standoff in my church building where a mother was telling a teenage child to put her coat on. The teenager didn't want to and the parent pressed the issue. They started shouting. I'm sure that was not an effective method of “inviting the Spirit” to our church building, let alone into their lives.
That teenager was fully capable of knowing when she was cold and if she wanted to wear her coat. Here's what Foster Cline, MD and Jim Fay — coauthors of Parenting with Love and Logic — have to say about this kind of parental strategy (or lack thereof):
Such implied messages are putdowns, the kind of messages that would make us [the adults] fighting mad. We can lace these messages with as much syrup as the human voice is capable of carrying — “Now, honey , you're not going without your coat today, are you?” — but the implied message still shines through; namely, “You're not smart enough to know whether or not your own body is hot or cold.” The ultimate implied message says, “I'm bigger than you are. I'm more powerful than you are. I have more authority, and I can make you do things.”
A current bumper sticker sums this us nicely: “Because I said so, that's why.”
But what if it's cold outside and you have young children? How do you teach them to put on their coats while still respecting their agency? What ways have you found? I want to hear them. Send them to me at this email address ( nataliegirl@gmail.com ) and I'll discuss them in my next article.
Parents have great power and influence. That hand that rocks the cradle does determine what happens to civilizations to come. Hold strong. Stay close to the Lord and His words. You are a general in His army and He has entrusted His children to our care.
Natalie's free parenting newsletter, customizable chore charts, preschool activities, and other great stuff are available at http://enlightenedhomemaker.com
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