Meridian Magazine : : Print

Overcoming a Family Crisis
By Natalie J. Hale

They happen to everyone. Sometimes attacking from all fronts, they smack you upside the head when you least expect them. And even if you were expecting them, it seems nothing can prepare you for the impact and inevitable results, which might be passing or permanent. And if one hasn’t struck you yet, your number simply hasn’t been called. But it will be.

Such is the reality of living in a fallen world. Bad things happen even to good people. Crises do happen and come in various levels of intensity and seriousness. For example, your toddler falls and scrapes his knee, or your boss fires your husband. But even though their existence is certain, there are ways we can learn to appropriately handle them so that they don’t ruin our lives.

One way is to not panic. According to Dr. Phil:

When it comes to family life, it’s not a question of whether or not a crisis will hit. It is a question of when. No matter how smoothly your life goes, no matter how well you parent with a purpose, you’ll encounter some crisis, and it will impact your life together as a family.

There are endless challenges that can and will pop up because life is not a success-only journey. An important hallmark of phenomenal families is that they don’t panic or turn on one another when the pressure is on. Phenomenal families are loyal to one another and emerge from the other side of the crisis stronger and bonded than ever. (Dr. Phil McGraw, Family First, p. 55-56)

Because of the great light and knowledge of the restoration, we have access to more truth than even the professionals of the world. When we hold on as a family through a crisis, and are loyal not just to each other, but to the Lord because it is Him we worship, then He will guide us through our difficult times. President Marion G. Romney put it this way:

It is my opinion that we Latter-day Saints, because of the knowledge we have received in the revelations, are better prepared to meet the perplexities of our times than are any other people. “For they that are wise and have received the truth, and have taken the Holy Spirit for their guide … shall not be hewn down and cast into the fire, but shall abide the day." [D&C 45:57]

Each one of us who is a member of the Church has had hands laid upon his head and has been given, as far as an ordinance can give it, the gift of the Holy Ghost. If I receive the Holy Ghost and follow his guidance, I will be among those who are protected and carried through these troubled times. And so will you, and so will every other soul who lives under his direction. (President Marion G. Romney, “If Ye Are Prepared Ye Shall Not Fear,” Ensign, July 1981, 3, 5)

If you can and should stop the difficulty, do it. Take control. This will take discernment and some cases will be more difficult than others. Heavenly Father wants you to do the right thing. He’ll help you. But if the crisis is something you cannot or should not stop, again, you can turn to the Lord for support through the trial. And then help your children do the same if this is a crisis that concerns them.

There are many opportunities that you can teach children at an early age how to deal with crises in their lives. For example, let’s say the family goldfish dies. That can be quite a traumatic experience for little children! It is an issue that concerns them, and brings up a good opportunity to talk to them about life after death.

Or how about a child who wants the toy his sibling is already playing with? Not having that toy is going to shake his little world into absolute misery. So take him by the hand, or set him on your lap, and tell him that his sibling is playing with that toy right now and that he will have to wait his turn. (This would be a good time to set clock for ten minutes so your child will know that his turn is coming.)

If during those ten minutes he wants to make an issue about having to wait, simply remind to be quite about it until it’s his turn. But if he turn from distraught to angry and begins throwing a temper, see my previous two articles for more details about handling children with temper tantrums. This is a time to remind children to control their outward emotions, which is an attribute that will help them throughout life.

A crisis, no matter how great or small, is inevitable in family life. But some can be lessened or even prevented if we are prepared and turn to the Lord and ask for his help.

The previous quotes and others on crisis management are available in my free parenting newsletter at http://www.enlightenedhomemaker.com