M E R I D I A N M A G A Z I N E
If You Cook It, Will They Come?
By Natalie J. Hale
In last month’s article we discussed the need to set the Lord’s will first in our lives, even in deciding what’s for dinner. Well, now that we’ve worked out what we are going to eat and prepared it, we need to get our families to come, sit, and eat. And wouldn’t it be nice to have some intelligent conversation?
Is this even possible? Especially if one’s children are still very young? Read on.
I’ve divided this piece into five short sections that should be an effective enticer to get you researching and experimenting. Because every family is different and no one knows the needs of your little ones like you do, I recommend that you take these ideas and try them with your own personal flare.
Young children are in a stage of training (see D&C 29: 46-48), and mealtime is an effective place for some of that training to take place. This is especially true because no one wants their little boys to grow up eating like savages, only to go on a mission and do something really immature. Or imagine that your daughter visits her new in-laws’ house for dinner and eats the prepared meal with her hands.
You don’t have to train your kids in all rules of etiquette at first — some are actually outdated and not required unless you’re eating at the White House — but there are some basic rules that everyone should learn and live by. These include eating with your utensils rather than your fingers, saying please and thank you, sitting still through the meal, not tossing the food on the floor, and other civilized behaviors. These are all basic manners that any toddler can begin to master.
One way to prepare for good table manners is to host a mock meal with a child-sized kitchen set. You’ve probably seen them. They come with a fridge and stove and set of plates and fake food. These sets can be found at almost any toy store, but that could get a little expensive. If you are on a tight budget, try checking out local garage sales. Once you obtain your kitchen set, be sure to thoroughly clean the fake food and dishes before letting your kids play with them.
Because it will feel like playing, your kids won’t know you’re giving them a lesson on table manners. They’ll enjoy sitting at a table with their special dishes, and eating food like proper little ladies and gentlemen. And even though it’s only pretend, they’ll have a blast.
Kids really do need boundaries. In the September 2006 Ensign, President Faust writes:
Children want and need discipline. As they approach some dangers, they are silently pleading, “Don't let me do it.” President David O. McKay (1873–1970) said that if we do not adequately discipline our children, society will discipline them in a way we may not like. Wise discipline reinforces the dimensions of eternal love. This reinforcement will bring great security and stability into their lives. (President James E. Faust, Ensign, September 2006).
Setting a realistic time and place for regular dinner meals will keep your day on a schedule. But always remember that flexibility is at the core of homemaking. Some days you might need to have dinner earlier or later — or your family decides to go on a picnic. Be flexible. But having a routine will help you to stay organized, the kids happy, and the house running more smoothly than it otherwise would.
Getting kids to even come to the table can be a job. They are probably playing happily or watching a movie and just don’t want to the come to the table when you call them. Try playing a CD or cassette tape of a Primary song when dinner is ready. You’ll have to explain to the older ones that this song means come to dinner. For little ones that are still too young to walk, play the song then bring them to their highchair — setting the habit on when this music plays, it’s time to eat.
Kids do catch on to this very quickly. You’ll be surprised how soon they learn to follow the music when it’s time. This approach is similar to the old days of ringing a triangle to signal when the food was ready, and if you have ever seen the film Seven Brides for Seven Brothers, you’ll know just how effective it is.
Make sure your children have their own individual sets of child-safe dishes and utensils. This way they can begin to learn self-reliance by setting their own place at the table. And when the meal is over, they can clear their plates, cups, and spoons themselves. This will be a pattern that, applied appropriately, can build character in children and prepare them for their future roles as responsible adults.
Always remember safety. Don’t give your kids knives or let them near a boiling pot of water. Don’t have tablecloths that drape down where a toddler can walk by and pull the meal over on his head. The kitchen really is not a safe place for little children, and caution is crucial.
Eating together as a family also has other positive assets, one of which was addressed in a study done by Marla E. Eisenberg and published in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine:
In an era of maternal employment and marital disintegration, fewer and fewer teenagers share their meals with their families. Indeed, when a team of researchers from the University of Minnesota recently surveyed 4746 adolescents from ethnically and economically diverse neighborhoods in the Minneapolis-St. Paul area, they found only about “one fourth (26.8%) reported eating 7 or more meals with their family in the past week, and almost one third (33.1%) reported eating family meals only 1 to 2 times per week or never.”
What is more, as the Minnesota scholars examined their survey results closely, they discerned a number of bad adolescent outcomes linked to infrequent eating of family meals — especially among teenage girls. The pathological teen tangle associated with the disappearance of family meals has now been reported in a study appearing in the Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine. (Source: Marla E. Eisenberg et al., “Correlations Between Family Meals and Psychosocial Well-being Among Adolescents,” Archives of Pediatric and Adolescent Medicine 158 [2004]: 792-796.)
This is all the more reason while your children are still young to set proper family habits. So enjoy your meal and each other. Take this time to talk about the day, what your kids learned, what they’re interested in, and make it a fun time that your family will enjoy and remember the rest of their lives.
For more ideas and parenting tips, visit http://www.enlightenedhomemaker.com
© 2006 Meridian Magazine. All Rights Reserved.