Before we move on to other conversations, we have a few parting thoughts about people who don't get the joy and excitement out of life that they think they should be getting. And there are even some letters from readers who still want to help Primary children learn familiarity with the scriptures.

If you haven't been following the thread, the original question was posed by “Missing Something” in this column. The following week, another reader, “ DP ,” echoed “Missing Something's” lament. Readers responded to the topic in that column and the following week. Today we have some final thoughts.

Our first reader writes specifically to “DP” — and to others in similar situations:

DP's letter is giving me a very hard time.  While trying to feel compassion, there are statements in it that jump out at me.  For instance, why is it that DP's wife is working, but not DP?  So he can't find construction jobs that pay what he feels they're worth.  Why isn't he doing something to help pay down that credit card debt?

And that's the second issue.  With things going as badly as they are, why on earth is DP incurring credit card debt?  I can think of no scenario on earth that requires one to use credit cards in order to live.  Food can be acquired through gardening and canning.  Provident living as our prophets have counseled us requires us to go without material things until we can pay for them with cash. 

I know I'm being harsh here, but it appears (with the admittedly small information he has provided) that this family has not been willing to set aside their "wants,” but has instead lived as if "wants" were "needs."  They aren't! 

I know families who make barely above minimum wage incomes, but their cars are paid for because they buy old beaters and keep them well maintained themselves.  They have modest homes, with little debt.  They make their clothing, or make over thrift store clothing.  They pride themselves on decorating their homes from "found" items that they refurbish to look new and lovely.  And they have at least a full year's supply of food stored, as the Lord blessed them in their frugality to find good buys for the items they needed, or they were given fruits and veggies and found jars to be able to can their own. 

I watched a young schoolteacher husband/father go to work each evening after day school to teach night-school classes and also throw an early morning paper route, while his wife and young children had a large evening paper route, so the entire family chipped in to earn the means to cover this family's needs.  He obviously would have gone out and washed dishes or dug ditches rather than sit around moaning about not being able to pay off debt.  They raised animals and the kids worked in their garden, thus learning how to be good employees as they grew old enough to have their own jobs.

Maybe we just haven't been given sufficient information here, but it's very difficult for me to feel pity for someone with a large mortgage, large debt, and only the wife working.  That house needs to be sold first of all, to eliminate that part of the scenario.  Perhaps credit counseling could help in arranging lower interest rates to enable faster pay-down of the debt.  Elder Ashton's talk and booklet, "One for the Money," contains the best advice of all, and it's still available at the Distribution Center .

I hope DP receives enough of a kick in the pants from someplace to get himself in gear and start making things happen for himself.  He should have learned this lesson fifty years earlier.

(We teach a Provident Living Course in our stake, hoping to prevent such situations from ever arising here.  I compiled and wrote it and taught it to the teachers in each ward of our stake, and I've seen that people can improve their situations if they choose to do so.  Of course, our free agency is the key.)

Kathie Shepherd
Stansbury Park, Utah

Thanks for writing, Kathie. You've got some good ideas for self-reliance. It looks as though your stake found the right people to teach provident living courses in your area. I wish they were available on DVD.

Although DP didn't give us enough information about his own situation for us to know whether he has spent money or used credit cards irresponsibly, there are enough of us who have that your letter is being printed as you wrote it. And I can also testify from personal experience that some of us need that kick in the pants, because it is very easy to settle into “victim mode” when you've had a long period of underemployment. Sometimes we forget that even if we can't do what we want, we need to find something to do to pay the bills.

As I said, I speak from experience! If anyone has any jobs for personable writers/editors who need to work from home, just let me know!

Our next letter is directed to “Missing Something” himself. Let's see what the reader has to say:

I have no advice because I have no idea what the Missing Something is talking about.  Things are too sketchy to put a handle on, to identify with, or even to understand, much less empathize. 

• He has eleven kids and trials.  Check.
• He has negative emotions. Check (I think — what does he mean by negative emotions?  what emotions?)
• He has resisted them (never mind the previous questions, then).
• He denies the richness of life. (Is this related to the above?)
• He has not learned from his emotions.  (Could this be because he does not understand what they are?  The reader of this article certainly cannot tell him, nor can (s)he help him, as he gives little clue to what he is feeling, if anything.  Is he in denial or something akin to it??)
• He does not want to feel his emotions.  (Well, for goodness' sake, of course you want to rein in the bad ones and bridle your passions! How rich and pleasant is the feeling to want to wring one of the kids' necks?) 
• He feels stuck.  (Well, so do I, because I don't have enough information to help him!)
• He feels he has lost something because he cannot accept his situation.  (You have eleven kids and trials.  You did not get them automatically, like polio or diabetes; you got them gradually with your eyes open.  What do you want?  A bed of roses? I have four kids and an ordinary bed, too.  Start counting your blessings!  All twelve — including a wife who probably does a lot more caring for those eleven kids than you do!  Roses have thorns. Appreciate the flowers and keep your fingers away from those poinky bits.  I am slightly allergic to them. Yes, I did mean poinky .)
• He wants to know how to deal with unfulfilled dreams. 

Maybe I can say one thing here. It's called trust .  Trust in God's plan for you — and that big family!  You have too much to do to worry about unfulfilled dreams.

We make our own dreams, work for them, and then take what the Lord gives us.  There are a lot of things I wanted, for myself and for my family, and didn't get.  I even saw some things, future things, and prayed for them, and they did not happen.  But I know the Lord's hand has been in my life — and the lives of those I love.  I know there was a reason for those things I saw — they came from Him, unbidden, surprised the heck out of me, too — but perhaps other people had dreams, as well. 

Just as long as Heavenly Father's plan is the one that makes it, I don't care what happens to mine: plans, dreams, visions, hopes, desires (either righteous or questionable) and even when I think they are needs.  I remember one time kneeling and telling Heavenly Father, "I'm at the end of my rope!"  And what did he tell me?  "Hang on, my dear, there is plenty of rope left, just trust me and all will be well." 

So, though I chafed, I did it.  I hung on.  And I have been blessed.  Even the grumbly things sometimes turn into blessings when you see them from a distance ahead.  For me, growth always seems so painful — but if Heavenly Father needs me to grow in some way, who am I to complain at that?  (Yeah, I still complain, but I do keep telling H.F. that I trust His plan and not to let me mess it up, because I know it is better than my own myopic view of life!) 

Tell Mr. Missing to read Elaine Cannon's book on Adversity ; that might help.  So would digging in and getting lost in the work — including that of helping his wife with eleven kids!  Each of those kids has his own free agency, by the way. Each of them, sometimes sadly for Mom & Dad who want the best for each child, has to decide for himself or herself whether to follow Heavenly Father's plan or bend it to suit desires or — dreams!  And that is OK! 

Our dreams "must exceed our reach, or what's a Heaven for?"  And we have to include our Father and His Son every step of the way, and listen, listen, listen. Sometimes Father mumbles, I know, but we have to keep listening! 

Maybe Mr. Missing is not listening to H.F. himself.  There have been times when I haven't, but somehow, despite my willfulness, I've made it out okay, and with a stronger testimony of the fact that Heavenly Father does know me (oh, so well does he know me!), does love me, does want me to succeed, will help me to do so, and really does have a plan for me and it's the very  best one to get me back to Him. 

Hmmm — maybe I did understand a little better than I thought.  Maybe I have been listening.

Susan Cropper
Nampa, Idaho

You're right, Susan. Trust is the key. I like how you took that original letter and saw how it applied to you. That's how this column helps us all, I think. We can all look at the experiences of others and see how we would handle them, or how we have handled them, and what we learned or could have learned. Thanks for writing.

Here's a short one with a comment and a plea:

Well, as I look at the subject line (the Circle of Sisters column name), I guess that is why you have responses from only women.  I was looking for a response from a man as they really do have different perspectives.  Have you had any responses from men that my husband could relate to?  I would appreciate just 1 or 2.  This subject was of interest to me because of our situation, we are both in our 70's and it doesn't seem that life gets any easier, rather it gets harder.  Any help you can send would be very much appreciated.                                  

Pat Park
Arizona

Thanks for your observations, Pat. I admit that Circle of Sisters is not the name I would have chosen for this column, because I like to hear from men. But alas, it's the name I inherited — and I hope to mention that men are welcome often enough that the name of the column doesn't inhibit them.

By the way, it was a letter from a man who started this thread — and a letter from a man who continued it. Look at the links at the top of today's column to read what they and others had to say.

And here's a follow-up to a note from Leah Thornley, which ran in last week's column :

I have to add a PS to the note I sent last week. Remember, I talked about my tough life and the change that came when I immersed myself in the gospel.  As I wrote that, I was facing another obstacle — brakes going out in my car, which is the car I use to get to work, of course.

My home teacher had offered to take care of it for me, but I didn't even have money for parts!  Embarrassing!  And I felt it would be good for my son or son-in-law to help me. Sometimes the opportunity to serve is a blessing. So, as I mulled this over, life continued.

I team teach Primary and it was my turn.  The lesson was on tithing.  I was considering not paying anything until I could get my brakes taken care of, but I couldn't teach a lesson on tithing while I was withholding the Lord's tenth.  So I wrote a check and gave it to the Bishop and went on.

No kidding, the next day I received enough money to take care of my brakes.  A company I had dealt with a few years ago had realized they owed me money and sent it along.  The accounting error was discovered at exactly the time I needed the money. 

How many times is this experience repeated in our lives?  I didn't win the lottery, but I had enough.

I've often pondered why I am not more prosperous.  I've always paid tithing. I have an education.  I work hard. (Make no mistake, I have been very blessed — just not with cash.) Here's my theory. In the pre-existence, as we prepared our earth life experience, we were most concerned that we would get down here and forget Heavenly Father.  Maybe a rumor went around heaven that adversity would remind us of Him, and we all rushed forward to sign ourselves up for earthlife adversity — lots of it! — and now we're down here complaining and whining about it.

There is a sweet sacred thing that happens when we humbly trust the Lord, when we do all we can and trust Him to make it enough.  It occurs when we ask for His help, knowing we can't see a solution but trusting that He can.  Sometimes the solution is something human mind cannot conceive of. (Remember Nephi and the brass plates. Who would have thought of that solution?) 

I cannot describe the feeling of seeing that money and knowing Who sent it — or Who arranged for it to be there for me.  It suddenly dawned on me that if I were more prosperous, I might forget my dependence on the Father.  It's hard to put that into words, but I'm sure you know what I mean.  And right then I felt okay.  Again, I can't put it into words, but you know that feeling of sweet, sacred peace.  As Oliver Cowdery said, "One touch with the finger of His love, yes, one ray of glory from the upper world, or one word from the mouth of the Savior, from the bosom of eternity, strikes it all into insignificance, and blots (sorrow, disappointment, hurt) forever from the mind." (footnote Joseph Smith History )

Let's all remember that we live in a prosperous country and our expectations are very high.  If we could occasionally visit a third world county, we would feel very different.

Leah Thornley
Puyallup, Washington

You are so right, Leah. We are so richly blessed in this life.  Money is not one of the things I have in abundance, and my health is so bad that I could croak at any time.  But when I count the blessings I have received, I wouldn't trade my life for anyone's.  It blows me away how rich the gospel makes us. Even if we don't have two pennies to rub together.

***

Okay, readers, our last three letters go back to our previous topic of how to get children to be more familiar with the scriptures. That topic was introduced here. Even though we've gone on to other things, three readers thought the topic was important enough that it needed a revisit. Here's what they had to say:

How well I remember two little 8-year-old twins, who each received a set of scriptures for his birthday.  There was a lot of zipping and flipping every time we looked up a scripture in CTR class.

LA, it is great that your class is so enthusiastic about finding a scripture.  You want to make sure they don't get frustrated and lose their enthusiasm.  Some time spent now helping them learn the books of the Bible and other scriptures will really pay off.  I would spend 5-10 minutes of every class learning and practicing this skill, until they all can find a scripture.

There are songs for the OT, NT and Book of Mormon in the Primary songbook, and on the CD, of course.

A poster or chart on the wall would be helpful, because the kids would see it every week, and could refer to it whenever they need to, plus, it would help you sing the books.

Be aware that some 7-year-olds are not reading very well yet — some not at all.  This could be the reason some are not finding the scripture. They can learn, with patient help.

Susan in Alberta

You make a good point, Susan. Being able to read is slightly a prerequisite for being able to find a scripture. Not all children develop at the same pace, but the songs can be a big help.

Now we have another thought from Susan Cropper, who last appeared in Circle of Sisters — well, today. (Look for her letter above.) Here's what she says about scriptures:

I did not join the Church till I was 18 (and a few days, so I could get baptized).  So of course I was always behind everyone in knowing the Articles of Faith.  I even went on a mission not knowing them — or, honestly, not knowing much of anything, to tell the truth!  So when they came out with them in the current Children's Songbook , I learned them, with my little girls.  Somehow my boys must have learned the Articles of Faith without much of Mom's help, because by this time the boys were on missions and in college (13 years between last boy and first girl). 

Even to this day, I can sing the Articles of Faith easier than I can say them.  And in this case, we really do go for "whatever works"!

Susan Cropper
Nampa, Idaho

You've enlightened me, Susan. Being a convert myself, I had no idea you could sing the Articles of Faith. I'll have to look into this. At the ripe old age of umpty-eight, I still don't know the Articles of Faith in order. Thanks for the information!

Here's another suggestion for those CTR 7s:

In the Primary Children's Songbook there are songs for the Old Testament (which you mentioned), New Testament, and the Book of Mormon.  They are available to download at lds.org.  If the teacher doesn't feel comfortable teaching the song, the request could be made to the Primary chorister to help with that during sharing time.

In response to LA about their CTR 7 class, one thing that you could do is play a scripture chase with just the books.  First person to find the book in the Old Testament for instance, should stand up.  We did a matching relay at a Primary Activity Day, where a teacher picked the name of a book, told the kids it was in the Old Testament, New Testament, or other scripture, the kids ran to find a printed version, then the team the kids were on found it in sets of scriptures.

This could be modified to divide the kids up in a class in teams within the class if it is large enough, and then the teacher pick a book for the kids to find from pieces of paper or craft sticks with the names written on it stored in a bag or box.  A student could be chosen to pick a book, or the teacher could choose.  The teacher could tell the children which book of scripture the individual book was from (for example, “This book is in the New Testament:  Acts”), and then have them stand quickly as they find it. 

As the students become more proficient, the teacher could stop telling the children which of the main books of scripture it is in.  When initially beginning this as an activity, the teacher could also show the children where the index with page numbers are in the Bible and Book of Mormon to help the children see that there are places where you can find the location of the names of books.  This could be played at the beginning or end of class when they are waiting for other children to arrive, or if the lesson is finished early. 

Once the children know where the books are, then the chapters should be easy.  Another suggestion is to put the page number and book on a piece of paper to hand to the children prior to class.

Susan in Primary in Delaware

Thanks for some great suggestions, Susan! Okay, readers, you're fully armed. The children under your stewardship can now be finding their scripture references pretty soon — or at least knowing which book of scripture to look in.

Join us next week for a brand new topic. See you then!

Until next time — Kathy

Contentment makes poor men rich;
Discontent makes rich men poor.

Benjamin Franklin