There is one question that always gives me pause when I re-up for my temple recommend. It has to do with being honest in my dealings with my fellow man. I have always puzzled at the question. For one thing, I figure there is only one answer—“Yes.” It either means “I'm honest” or “I'm lying.” To my way of thinking, a dishonest person is not going to own up to their dishonesty by giving an honest answer, because if they were going to be truthful about that, it would indicate that they were basically an honest person in other circumstances. In an attempt to be more honest, I have recently told my bishop that this is one I am working harder on.

There is a Star Trek episode where the crew is trying to disable Norman the android. Captain Kirk tells him, “Everything Harry tells you is a lie. He is lying.”

Harry confirms this. “I am lying,” he tells Norman.

Norman reasons this out. “You say you are lying, but if everything you say is a lie, then you are telling the truth, but you cannot tell the truth, because everything you say is a lie.” Soon smoke comes out of his ears and that's all she wrote.

So far this hasn't happened to my bishop while I mull over whether the answer to the honesty question is “yes” or “no.” There is always something that comes to mind, like my husband asking me “Did you mail that letter?” and me justifying that having addressed it and put it in my purse with a stamp on it qualified for an affirmative answer. All I can usually say is that I am working on being more honest, and then I try to work on it harder. Honest!

Needed: People with Integrity

In this election year, I am reminded of the need for men and women of integrity in our political offices and businesses. I have decided that having integrity is a virtue that starts young. I remember when my son was a Cub Scout and he had just earned a conservation badge emblazoned with an embroidered panda. As I got out the glue gun to affix it to the animal skin on which we had placed all his other badges that were not sewn onto his uniform, he said, “Mom, do you think it is right to put a badge about preserving endangered species onto an animal skin?” I'm not even sure it was a real animal skin, but I had to admit, the kid had a point.

When I read stories about corporate double-dealings, I wonder if people simply carry the same level of integrity with them that they achieved when they were young into their adult lives. A person who got away with cheating on papers in school, taking credit for someone else's work, grows up to be the one in the office stealing someone else's sales leads. If a youngster found he could successfully blame a younger sibling for his misdeeds, is it any surprise that he grows up to point the finger at someone else in a business deal gone sour? If changing some of the key facts about a minor car accident got her off the hook with her parents, why wouldn't she manipulate the facts in court to get off the hook with the authorities? The actions are the same, but the stakes are higher. I'm convinced that if integrity does not become part of a person's character by the time they are on their own in the world, they are unlikely to acquire it later in adulthood.

Teaching Integrity

Are we teaching our children the importance of having integrity? It needs to start with appropriate parental response to those first little “cookie jar” lies told to avoid getting in trouble.

When my son was three, I had been to a fabric store where they had a play area for the kids. Upon returning home, he took a small plastic dinosaur out of his pocket. I asked him where it had come from. He told me he had taken it from the store. That fabric store was several miles from our house, and it had started to snow. The little plastic toy could not have been worth more than a dime, but I knew we had to make the trip back. It wasn't about the value of the toy. It was about my son's character.

There was another situation where he told a lie to get out of a tight spot in school. Because he was generally a truthful child, I took his side and defended him to the powers that be at the school, until later when I discovered that the facts did not fit. The next day we made another trip to the principal's office and I uttered these dreaded words: “My son has something he wants to tell you.” He had begged me to be the one to go down to the school and tell them what had happened, but I told him I wasn't the one who had told a lie.

Afterwards the principal said, “If more parents would do what you did today, we would have far fewer problems with kids in the school system.” Wanting to protect our children is a reflex second only to our self-preservation instinct, but we do them no favors if we protect them from the consequences of their wrong actions.

Another key element is our own example. We negate what we are trying to teach if we don't live by those same precepts. If we think our children are not watching, we are sadly mistaken. Have your children heard you say things like this?

“I'm sorry, but you forgot to charge me for one of these items.”

“No, she is three. She is small for her age, but she doesn't get in for free anymore.”

“It was my fault. I wasn't paying attention.”

If they have, then you may have a fighting chance of raising children with integrity. If they haven't, there may still be time to set a better example.

When I was dating my husband, one of his sons was telling him about the free food he had gotten from a broken vending machine. His dad told him that he wanted him to go back the next day and pay the six dollars to the office and tell them their machine was giving out free food. He promptly looked at the speedometer on the car and said, “Okay, Dad, and I want you to drive to the police station and tell them you were going twelve miles over the speed limit and ask what the fine would be and pay it.” Kids are always watching!

One day I brought a small error to the attention of a clerk in a store. When she thanked me for being honest, I laughed and said, “If I'm going to sell my soul, I want it to be for more than five dollars.” Later that day, in going over some paperwork for our vacation house, I discovered that the store from which we had bought the furniture had given us an entertainment center on loan until the one we had ordered had come in, and had never charged us for that piece of furniture when the new one was swapped out. I knew it was a mistake they were not likely to catch. My own words echoed loud and clear in my ears. I decided not to sell my soul for five hundred dollars, either. When I brought it to their attention, they were amazed that I had come forward and said they probably never would have realized the mistake.

I did the right thing, but the temptation was there to just let it slide. I wish that all I had to report on were my successes at being honest and having integrity. This is an area where there is room for improvement for all of us. We are raising up the next generation of leaders and businessmen and women. Wouldn't it be a wonderful thing if people acting honorably and showing integrity became the norm rather than a rare occurrence?

I decided that if I wrote a column on this subject, my conscience might give me an extra jolt next time I get caught with my hand in the cookie jar.