Clean Your Plate

The votes are in. The piece of motherly advice that most readers have chosen not to believe as adults or wish they had not listened to as children is the admonition to always clean your plate. Apparently many now realize, too late, that instead of helping the starving children in Africa, they helped themselves to an extra ten to fifty pounds. Mom's voice echoing in their heads years after a physical separation from her, they regularly ignored their body's signal that it had had enough and kept eating.

I have always been a plate cleaner. Dates who bought me dinner got their money's worth. The Weight Watchers organization, of which I am a lifetime member, suggests eating slowly, using a smaller plate to encourage taking less and stopping when your body says it is full. It still feels wrong for me to do that, so strong was the admonition to clean my plate.

On the other hand, Mom did teach us to eat our vegetables first and that we'd get dessert later, hopefully raising us to tackle less-desirable tasks first and accept that the reward would be forthcoming. There are so many life lessons taught at the dinner table.

“Don't take seconds until everyone has been served.”

“Say ‘please' and ‘thank you.'”

“Ask, don't reach.”

To be fair, what Mom was trying to teach with the “clean your plate” advice is that we should be grateful for what we have and not be wasteful. Most children, however, would have been glad to dispatch their broccoli off to Africa if it meant they personally did not have to consume it.

Unfortunately kids, the Church's humanitarian arm is not in the business of shipping second-hand veggies to the starving masses, probably something about that old “firstlings of the flock” thing.

Big Boys Don't Cry

Apparently not only did Mom teach us to stuff ourselves with food, but also to stuff our emotions. Many men have grown up believing that a show of emotion is a display of weakness.

There are, however, very manly men who cry when their first child is placed in their arms, at the passing of a loved one, and even occasionally during a particularly moving movie. Although they may almost immediately retreat back to stoic manliness and quickly toss the tissue, it is good to let those emotions out now and then. It is beneficial to have a good cry from time to time.

Perhaps the folks at Kleenex need to come out with a manly tissue, wildlife on the box instead of flowers, in earth tones instead of pastels. Of course, men could still claim it was for the purpose of nose-blowing only.

Come on, admit it. When you saw Dumbo as a child, you cried when they locked up Mrs. Dumbo. If not, watch it again, and give yourself another chance.

Get Right Back on the Horse

The idea of this one is that when you are bucked off, you get right back on the horse; you face your fears before you can let them dictate your future behavior. I have a young character in one of my books who takes that piece of advice and adds his own bit of wisdom. “Okay, I'll get back on, but not on the same horse.”

Perhaps there could be variations on this piece of advice. I see people, for example, coming off of a failed marriage or disastrous relationship who immediately “get back on the horse” and enter into a new relationship when instead perhaps they ought to be taking riding lessons. Perhaps instead of getting back on, one should consider whether it was wise to get on in the first place. Sometimes, yes, this is good advice, but not always.

Don't Be a Quitter

All of us want to go the distance, but there are times when it may be wise to fold a relationship that is not working or a business that specializes in negative cash flow.

It may be the case that the loved ones who told you could be the next “American Idol” winner spoke out of love, blinded to your lack of talent, and sent you to be fodder for Simon Cowell. Encouragement is good but not if it keeps someone pursuing something completely unrealistic or out of reach and that keeps them from facing reality or rightly shouldering their responsibilities.

Sometimes a pat on the back and a “you gave it your best shot” and helping them to find a new avenue for their energy and effort can be a good thing. If the girl your brother wants desperately to date has had a previous engagement seventeen times in a row, perhaps helping him see that he should quit asking would be the kindest thing you could do, for both of them.

Do Nice Guys Win in the End?

We are in Utah because my oldest stepson just got married. Yesterday I spent some time with my son. I asked him what I had taught him that turned out not to be true. He said, “Nice guys win in the end.” I told him it wasn't the end yet, so he didn't know that wasn't true.

Then he said, “I can't think of anything else. Everything you taught me was true.” He was rather more effusive in his praise than usual. When I asked about that, he reminded me of a minor surgical procedure done on his knee. “I'm pharmaceutically enhanced.” Even if it was the drugs speaking, it put a smile on my face. In fact, I'm still smiling.

I think my face might get stuck that way.