Does this scenario in one version or another sound all too familiar? Unfortunately,  the tradition of eating dinner together has for some Latter-day Saint families entirely disappeared and for many others has become a rare or irregular occurrence.  According to one study, only 40 percent of Americans eat dinner together and then only a couple of times a week. ^[1] While statistics are not available for Latter-day Saint dining habits, informal research reveals that  far too many families are following the national pattern by not eating dinner together and that many sisters proudly proclaim “I don’t cook.”

“The word dinner once conjured up images of warm, delicious smells emanating from the kitchen as everyone gathered around the table not just for nourishment but for family conversation as well,” stated physicians Michael and Mary Eades. “Dinner in this fast-paced world has often become a catch-as-catch-can proposition, grabbed on the run from whatever fast-food haven lies in your traffic pattern or the one the kids seem to prefer. It too often comes in recyclable polyfoam boxes or paper bags, eaten between stoplights on the way to or from this practice or that meeting.” ^[2]

Does it matter whether today’s families eat dinner together?

Yes, it does. The family as an institution is under attack, and the adversary is working overtime to destroy individual families.  President Gordon B. Hinckley has said, “All across the world families are falling apart. The place to begin to improve society is in the home.” ^[3]   Indeed, recent statistics reveal alarming trends in the United States and other countries of high divorce rates, children born out of wedlock, drug use and anti-social behaviors among teens and children.

Church leaders have long counseled members to strengthen their families through family home evening, family prayer, family scripture study, and through wholesome recreational activities. Because dinnertime occurs every twenty-four hours and eating together is a social activity, time spent at the dinner table also can be a significant way to strengthen family bonds.

Strengthening Children and the Family

Families, no matter their size or makeup, must be fed. A good dinner never just magically appears on the table. Cooking dinner does take some time and energy in planning, shopping, preparing, and cleaning up. Nevertheless, the benefits of families regularly eating dinner together in the surroundings of their own homes are significant.  Counted among the benefits are economy, higher quality of food, better nutrition and portion control, more variety as well as emotional nurturing, sense of belonging, and family unity. Indeed, the cumulative effects are compelling reasons to make dinner a family  event. Habitual dining practices of eating out, ordering in, skipping, or snacking may satisfy the needs of the moment but, in the long run, are detrimental to families as a whole and to their individual members.

Children who grow up eating dinner with their families are simply better off than those who do not. Two studies serve to illustrate. Ardeth G. Kapp, former Young Women general president and a teacher for many years, noted: “Today many families are splintered by conflicting work schedules. Family mealtime is irregular, if at all, and microwave ovens and fast foods have robbed us of mealtime rituals. A study of first graders’ reading readiness found that ‘high scorers had a radically different atmosphere around the meal table,’ as compared to the low scorers. The former group enjoyed family meals that were ‘a focus for total family interaction.’ ” ^[4]           

Another study points out how family dinners are strong preventative medicine. Joseph A. Califano, Jr., president of the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse at Columbia University, reported: “Intensive research and teen surveys have consistently revealed that the more often children eat dinner with their parents, the less likely they are to smoke, drink, or use illegal drugs.” ^[5]

More difficult to assess statistically are the family unity, love, self-confidence,  gospel understanding, and growth of testimonies fostered around the dinner table. Janette Hales Beckham, also a former Young Women general president, recalled how she learned the importance of dinner. “I remember reading: ‘A table surrounded by eager, hungry children ceases to be a table and becomes an altar.’  All of a sudden the question for me became, ‘What do I want to have happen in the lives of my family during this brief time we are together each day? I started to plan mealtime with a purpose. Now I started to think about Ann, Tom, Jane, Karen, and Mary rather than whether or not the hamburger was thawed. I wondered if they were fortified and strong enough to make decisions and live by the values our family and the Church had tried to teach. The evening meal became an important time.” ^[6]

As a teenager, Liz Doxey sought to know how to strengthen her family and found that dinner was the answer.  She said, “I was seventeen years old when my mom died. I was quickly faced with the role of mother to a household of males. I always knew that my mother made a difference in our household, but I never realized the depth of it. It was now my turn to be the mother, and I didn't know where to start.  First off, we were teenagers. We didn't need a mom, right? I quickly learned that mothers are always needed, and women are central in family life.

“Right from the start I knew something was missing in our family life, and I needed direction. Naturally, growing up in a religious home, I thought we should read the scriptures together or pray together more often. That seemed like the most logical direction. I decided to pray about it even though I thought I already had the answer.

“It didn't take long for the answer to my prayers to come, but I was so surprised by the feeling I had in my heart. I couldn't get it out of my head that we needed to have regular family meals and that I needed to learn how to cook. Was that supposed to keep our family together? Was that the answer? The feeling wouldn't leave, and I knew I had received my answer. I began looking through cookbooks and asking neighbors for recipes. Everyone was so helpful and encouraging. The meals weren't elaborate or fancy, but the time together was priceless. We discussed our day, upcoming events, the future. I know to this day, a seventeen-year-old girl's prayers were answered. Having regular meals together kept us connected when the rest of the world was pulling us apart. I cherish those times we had together and now hope to pass on the importance of regular family meals to my own children.” ^[7]            

Another woman recognized how eating together has blessed her family for generations. Shauna  Frandsen, former Relief Society general board member,  recalled, “As a child growing up on a farm, I had the privilege of eating three meals a day with my family, which included two parents, three siblings, and two grandparents. We all woke up early and ate breakfast together. My father and grandfather worked on the vegetable farm all morning and came home for lunch with us. As we grew older, we too, did small jobs on the farm. It was unthinkable to miss supper each evening as a family. I attribute the strength of my family to those relationships centered around the dinner table.” ^[8] The Family: A Proclamation to the World states: “Parents have a sacred duty to rear their children in love and righteousness, to provide for their physical and spiritual needs.” ^[9]   “Physical needs” certainly includes appropriate foods required for children’s physical growth and development.  Further on the Proclamation says, “Mothers are primarily responsible for the nurture of their children.” ^[10]   The “nurture of children” can be considered on several different levels—spiritually and emotionally but also physically. Providing regular, healthy meals is essential to physically nurturing children–-of all ages.

Not just physical needs are met at the dinner table. Emotional and spiritual tendering also take place there. Cheryl Mendelson writes: “Good meals at home satisfy emotional hungers as real as hunger in the belly, and nothing else does so in the same way. They promote affection and intimacy among those who share them. Characteristic, familial styles of cooking and dining, foods that ‘taste like home,’ are central to each home’s feelings of security and comfort. . . . When a home gives up its hearth, which in the modern world is its kitchen, it gives up its focus. (The word ‘focus’ is Latin for ‘hearth.’) And the people who live there lose theirs too.” ^[11]

Of the many services parents render to their children to provide them with a secure home and to help them develop socially, emotionally and spiritually, few endeavors can equal that of consistently gathering family members around the table for dinner, serving appealing food, engaging in enjoyable conversation, teaching values, and nurturing familial relationships.

Elder Bruce C. Hafen of the Seventy said, “A family dinner table surrounded by parents and children who share their laughter and their lives is a sacred setting, not just a place setting.” ^[12]

 Making It Happen: Ways to Gather Your Family for Dinner

• The time and effort spent in preparing satisfying and enjoyable meals is one of the best investments parents can make for their children and will nurture  stronger family relationships.  How can families reclaim the dinner hour, have regular, wholesome, and enjoyable meals together, and thus strengthen the family?As a family, make eating dinner together a priority and a value to which all are committed.  
• Begin early as newlyweds and then later with young children to have regular, nutritious, and pleasant meals together, so that dinner is an expected part of the family routine.
• Have a weekly planning meeting that includes putting dinner on the schedule. Be flexible in adjusting dinner time as needed.
• If eating dinner together is happening infrequently, hold a family council to evaluate the kinds and number of activities that are occupying family members at dinnertime. Enlist family members’ support to improve the situation. Strive for a better balance between the home and outside activities.
• Keep meal preparation simple by using easy recipes. Food does not have to be elaborate to be good.
• Where appropriate, have various family members help cook and clean up. Being responsible for dinner’s success will invite greater commitment to it.
• Make dinnertime enjoyable with positive conversation, expressions of love, and moments of laughter. Don’t use dinnertime to resolve problems or to remind children of assignments.
• Make sure dinnertime belongs only to you by letting the answering machine take phone calls, turning off the television, and putting away the newspaper.
• Prepare tasty food. There’s truth to the idea that “If you cook it well, they will come.”
• Think of eating out as an occasion, not as a habit. Home cooked meals in the privacy of your home are worth the time and effort.
• View dinnertime as a precious time to pray together, to reinforce family and Church values, to discuss gospel topics, and to express love to each other.

Click here to sign up for Meridian's FREE email updates.

Janet Peterson currently serves on the Church Correlation Committee (Materials Evaluation). She earned her bachelor's and master's degree in English from BYU. A free-lance writer, she has published over 100 articles in Church magazines, including "Friend to Friend" interviews with General Authorities. She is the author of Remedies for the I Don't Cook Syndrome and has co-authored with LaRene Gaunt Elect Ladies: Presidents of the Relief Society, Keepers of the Flame: Presidents of the Young Women, and The Children's Friends: Presidents of the Primary and Their Lives of Service. Janet has cooked dinner for 36 years for her husband, Larry, their 6 children, and 5 grandchildren.