Recently we had the lesson in Sunday School where Alma and Amulek saw a large number of women and children burned to death because of their belief in the coming of Christ in future time. Very naturally Alma wished to call on the power of the Lord to save them. He was constrained from doing so, and given the understanding that at times God has to refrain from intervening so that people may run their course in goodness or evil.
How often do we hear people say that if there were an all-powerful God, how could He allow certain things to happen? I have often wished to be able to speak to them in a manner they would understand and believe. I have tried various approaches, such as the reasonableness of deciding how great a disaster has to be for God to intervene. If one person is killed, we can accept that, especially if it is someone we don't know. We all know that people die. We all do, but for a very few in the far past, before the Resurrection when certain people needed to be translated in order to pass powers to the living.
Is it a tragedy God should prevent if 100,000 people die? Then at what number does it become such a tragedy? 50,000? 10,000? 1,000? 101? If it shouldn't be children, is it okay if they are over 18? Or is the adult age now 16? The whole argument is absurd. The point is that God does not break the moral laws of the universe. He cannot turn good into evil, or wickedness into happiness. Even with the love He has for us, He cannot take our agency, or force us into any act, good or bad, nor does He wish to.
We are in this life in order to learn, to grow, to make our own choices, and be redeemed from the ultimate cost of our errors, if we will turn from them, and trust in the power and grace of Christ.
Perhaps what we so often fail to grasp is that this life is only a tiny part of eternity. What HAPPENS here does not matter – but what we DO matters intensely. That is a vital difference, and I choose the word ‘vital' in its true meaning of ‘necessary to life'. It is necessary to ‘eternal life' that we do the best we can. That is enough – try hard, nothing less than all we can manage. Then whatever happens to us here, hereafter will be glorious – and never ending.
Alma states this very clearly as he explains why the Spirit does not permit him to intervene and save the lives of those who were burned for their faith. Surely the same laws will govern those who suffer or die in any other way? It makes sense of what might otherwise test faith to the breaking point.
Again we are infinitely blessed in even the slightest grasp of the Plan of Salvation, the endlessness of our existence, and the true purpose of it.
It is so easy to be overwhelmed by the small part of life that we see here, and it is all we see with our eyes, all the pain or the joy we taste now. It is only the voice of the Spirit in moments of calm and introspection which tells us of the immeasurable before, and after.
I was reading earlier today about the purpose of the Sabbath, and the reference to it as a time for spiritual renewal caught me more deeply than I expected. All the rules of what to do, or not do, on the Sabbath can be minute and overwhelming. It can become an exercise in rules. The purpose is so easily grasped in that simple idea – if it raises your spirit it is good – if it doesn't, if it makes you concentrate on ‘walking the lines and not the squares', rather than letting the calm of the spirit fill you and the larger view of eternal life uplift you, then it is not within the greater purpose of the Sabbath.
In other words don't walk with your eyes on your feet to make sure you don't touch the lines – go with your eyes on the stars, to make sure the glory of God is in your soul – and that you never lose sight of your real destination.
Then tidal waves that drown thousands of people will not drown your hope, or your faith. Trouble of every sort will lengthen your stride, not keep you awake fearing and worrying, or make you fall.
‘There must needs be opposition in all things'. Were there ever wiser words said? What comfort, what truth there is in that understanding. It makes sense of so much that seems at a glance to be random and out of control.
Recently I went to Edinburgh to see my niece's graduation ceremony after five years of study at the University. She is now a Master of Fine Arts. We had a lovely celebration, and she asked me over dinner if I were to study something in that way, what would it be. It was just a part of conversation over the table, but it set me thinking. Writing has always been the only thing I wanted to do. You can teach the good use of the language, but you cannot give another person something to say, so to that extent you cannot teach writing a novel. Only living can give you a personal intensity and experience, and therefore a ‘voice' in which to say what you wish to.
I love history, but for pleasure, not to understand any period in professional detail. It is people I am interested in, passion, hope, suffering, morality, belief etc. Then I realized what would interest me enough to hold my attention for years of study – I think! Biblical languages. I really would like to read the scriptures in the languages in which they were written, to grasp the more intimate meaning when you have some feeling for the culture of the people concerned. I would like to know the flavour, the nuances of meaning in their own words.
I have thought much lately of how God gives us revelations of knowledge according to our ability to understand them. Many of the things that were written in the far past seem odd to us today, or to have been superseded by later knowledge. But I think perhaps it is our ability which has changed. What use would it have been to tell ancient people of something which requires modern knowledge to understand? When reading the history of the development of various cultures one sees when certain concepts have become known. Even such things as musical scale, numbers, the principles of democracy and the right to vote for our government, freedom of certain kinds of information, equality of one race with another – and on and on – would seem heretical, or simply stupid, to people a thousand years before Christ.
We are all children of our own time and culture. We must be taught in the language we understand. Who would know that better than our Father in Heaven? The old parables of milk and meat came to mind. How much do even we ‘see in a glass darkly' even now? And what subtleties elude us because we do not know the finer elements of what the Spirit is trying to tell us? Maybe many of us need to ‘be still' and listen a good deal more? I certainly do. If I stop the chattering of my own thoughts and wait for a certainty to settle inside me, it is always better.
In Fast and Testimony this month one sister spoke of being awake in the middle of the night and looking out of her window to see one of her cats dancing on the lawn, running this way and that, leaping and turning, all by herself, having a marvellous time. My friend stood and watched for ages. Then she said that in such a way God must watch us at times, sharing with us the joy of being alive, happy for us. He is not watching to find fault, but rather to help where it is possible, to have happiness in our successes, grief for our sorrows, to share the good and the bad of our journey with us.
Now I shall often picture the little cat dancing all alone in the moonlight, glorying in being alive, and think that for everything that I am grateful, perhaps at that moment God is watching, just being happy too.
One of the lessons that taught me the most this month has been the one on the Lamanites who laid down their weapons and became known as Anti-Nephi-Lehis. Was ever a conversion more total? What a lesson of hope that there truly is nowhere from which you cannot come back? The wholeness of the atonement is perfect, no one is beyond its power.
They were prepared to bury their weapons and never use them again, to defend their own lives, or even to defend the lives of the people they loved, their families, children, perhaps elderly parents. And invading armies might not kill them cleanly. People can be tortured, raped, taken as hostages or slaves. Yet their conversion was so complete, and so universal among all of them of every age and station, that they were unanimous. Could there be a finer example of how one can change, and remain true to all that is good, regardless of the cost? Leopards CAN change their spots, and we should never judge who will accept a new way and who will not. It is so easy to do that, thinking we can see another person's lifestyle, and our judgment can be so wrong.
It is in the second part of this reading that Alma longed to have the power of an angel, so that he might affect more people. Then he realized that he already had the power to do all that God had called him to, and should not wish for more.
I have sometimes wondered what I could do, if I had supernatural powers, such as angels have, and then realized that even angels cannot and would not wish to take anyone's agency. As a perfectly ordinary human being I already have all I need to help, to teach, to try to persuade people not only of the truth of the Gospel, but of its beauty, its glory, its eternal power and happiness. I just need to USE what I have. I need to live in such a way that people will at least listen to me. I do not have to be perfect (fortunately!), I just have to be kind and brave, honest and to move towards being wise. And I must have something of that inner joy which shines through temporary sorrows, which is perhaps what we call faith. That would be a good start. I can leave the miracles to real angels, that is not my calling, just a human being who is doing their best is quite good enough.
Something which produced a great sense of peace inside me was to look at the art which my niece exhibited for her degree exams. Of course it was on show with the work of all the other students as well. It was fascinating for me, very much a traditionalist, to see such vast amounts of modern art. There was hardly anything representational. Most of it I did not care for at all. There seemed to be a darkness in it, a sense of turmoil and inner despair, not regarding a particular event, but of hopelessness in general.
My niece's work was exactly the opposite, studies of light and space. She told me it was created by using paper, as in origami, then she photographed it using a lot of light and colour of a very limited range. My favourite piece had a great deal of yellow and gold and shadows that were umber to brown. It was very beautiful, like looking into the heart of a sunlit glacier, if you can imagine such a thing. I found myself smiling, without really knowing why, except it made me feel uplifted.
What a wonderful thing for any of us to say or do, to create or prepare something which makes other people feel good, stronger, more able and more willing to do something, achieve, or even simply to smile.
It is exciting to look at the world through other people's eyes, whether you agree with their vision or not. We can so easily get fixed into our own, single view. It was an energizing experience, and one I ought to repeat every so often. My ideas need shaking up.
I had another interesting conversation with a friend about how self-conscious some people feel when faced with people they don't know. My friend said I had no idea how shy people can be. I recalled another young woman I knew, several years ago, who was almost crippled with self-consciousness. She even wore her hair combed forward so that it covered quite a lot of her face.
I remembered my mother's advice about going into a room full of strangers. What she said was ‘They are probably just as awkward as you are. Go up to anyone alone and speak to them. Think about how they feel, not about yourself. Be interested in them, not inquisitive, just politely ask them about themselves. Set them at ease. Listen to what they say about their lives, their opinions etc. By the time you think about yourself again, you will have a good conversation going. Self-consciousness is exactly that – thinking about yourself. Think about others, and it will disappear.
Why should anyone be looking at you, thinking about you? Smile – think about them. I've never known it not to work. How easy it is to imagine the whole world revolves around ourselves. And how often we take the blame for something going wrong, when really we had far less influence on it than we suppose.
Perhaps I may be involved in something good happening, but it doesn't have to be for me, the blessing may be for someone else. That is still good, still worth doing. It will be my turn sometimes.
Which brings me to think how often I have done something careless or stupid, and by the grace of God, and I mean that literally, I have been saved from having to pay the price for it. It happened to me twice, just yesterday. I realized my mistake only after I had made it, and miraculously, it sorted itself out. I didn't deserve it, but because I didn't, I was the more grateful for being rescued. Sometimes that happens.
Perhaps it would be more honest to say that always that happens. Life itself is one endless blessing that I have not really earned yet. I have one opportunity after another to do something good, make something, taste of what is beautiful, delicious, funny, wise, in all ways precious. I have simply to look out of the window to see the light on the water, countless flowers in the garden. I can listen to music, I can hear the wind in the grass, I can taste raspberries, crusty bread, I can smell clean linen, fresh rain, cut grass. Best of all, I can wake up tomorrow and start again, try harder, use this gift of time to do something good. I can be kinder, I can forgive and seek to be forgiven. I can manage pain or disappointment with more faith, and less self-centeredness.
Altogether I have another chance to make myself into what I really want to be, and that is to include helping others make themselves into what they want to be.
God holds a hand out to help us – not a foot out to trip us up. I think sometimes we forget that. There are no tricks in the fine print. Man is that he might have joy.
